5 Tips for Friends of the Bartender

Now that the NY Bar Exam is over, I have been trying to figure out what to do with myself. Let me first just say that the bar exam was the most exhausting thing I've done in my life. So after the exam, I immediately went to the Westbury LIRR station waited for the next train into the city in order to rush back down to the District. Can you believe I had to wait 2.5 hours!!! Talk about being annoyed -- all I wanted to do was sleep. So I thought. For the first time, I didn't sleep a wink on the train. I guess my body was too tired to sleep. Weird.

All in all I am simply glad that its over. I don't feel one way or the other as to whether or not I think I passed, and quite frankly, I think that to have an opinion either way is bad luck . . . Nevertheless, everyone seems to ask me this question. I guess they just don't know what to say. This brings me to my "5 Tips for friends of the Bartender"

Tip #1 -- Do not ask a recent bar examinee how they think they did, or any variation of this question, including, "How do you think that you did?". It makes them actually formulate an opinion, and worse yet, it makes them relive the anxiety thgat is the bar exam. If you can't find anything else to say, ask them what they plan to do in order to celebrate. This is more forward thinking. No one wants to relive the bar, unless of course they have to. This brings me to Tip #2

Tip #2 -- It is inappropriate to ask a recent bar examinee whether or not they passed. That's simple enough, just don't ask. You should also avoid the corollary: "I passed, how did you do?" I know some friendships that have been ruined over this very thing. If you must know, look up their name, simply and discreetly, when the passing list is made public. Bar results are announced in November for most states.

Tip #3 -- Don't ask what are you going to do now. This is normally construed as an inquiry into future legal employment. I know that some of you may be thinking, what's wrong with that. I understand your confusion. Only way I know how to break it down, is to inform you that law school and the legal profession can be very cold, competitive and cruel. The reality is some folks have jobs, some folks don't. If the person that you are asking does not have a job, you may remind them of a fact that that they are desparately trying to cope with. Your inquiry can send them backwards in their road to recovery. Because you don't know which side of the fence they sit on, it's best to just mind ya bizzness! Again, just mind ya bizzness.

Tip #4 -- It's generally impolite to talk about questions/answers on the bar exam. This point applies to bartenders. I know that you studied your badoonka doonk off all summer. So what! I still do not want to dissect the first issue on the NY essay. Yeah, you know the secured transaction/commercial paper one. The one about the bank check. Look dude, I wrote an answer like I never wrote before, and that's bout all I could do. I don't care what you wrote. I've already given my USB key to the little ol' proctor. I can't change it now. May all my essays rest in peace. But seriously, some folks relish in this nonsense. You know the ones, always sticking around after finals to debate the issues. It's like doesn't final mean anything to you? Quite frankly, discussing a recently submitting exam is rude and inappropriate. Especially if you don't know the person.

Tip #5 -- Please send up good thoughts for the recent bar examinees. We need them.

None of these rules apply if the person you are speaking to avoids these tips first. The key here is to not be presumptious. Tread lightly. We are dealing with sensitive subject-matter, and more importantly, sensitive people.